Then the task got more difficult. I would work on one section at a time, trying to fit the pieces together. Sometimes I would work on several sections at a time. It was exciting when I got on a roll and everything started falling into place. But there are also those frustrating times when nothing seems to fit. Now I'm almost 35, and I expected to have more of it figured out by now. Sure, there are large sections of the puzzle that are completed, and I can take great pride in that. But there are just some areas that drive me crazy, parts of myself that I can't seem to fit together. It's like all the blue pieces of the ocean ... or the sky... or both! Who knows! After hours of examination, all the pieces begin to blur and look alike. So I take a break. But now it occurs to me that I've been working on those sections off and on for years.
It's like the puzzle is laid out on my dining room table, and I have to walk by it every single day. I am reminded that I have to work on those troublesome sections. Some days I get motivated to tackle it again, only to get frustrated once more. The result is a feeling of stagnation. This puzzle has become more of a burden than an adventure.
What makes it more difficult is when I try to talk about these frustrations with others. The problem is, their puzzle looks different than mine. Maybe the part that is giving me so much trouble, was actually quite easy for them. So their advice is not helpful. In fact, it is sometimes hurtful.
I haven't given up. I still have the determination to finish. And at times like this, I need to remind myself that there is one who knows exactly how the finished product looks. He's the one who designed it. Maybe I've spent too much time staring down at the table and not enough time talking to the creator?
